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Can You Heal And Be Healthy After Rape?
Not an easy question, for you to ask, answer or type.
The holidays bring to the surface old wounds for many, often due to interactions with family infrequently seen - family who enable you to down previously and may inflict abuse now (verbal, emotional), and/or family you stiIl hide truths from. At times, hiding truths is misuse - to personal, and/or to others - and inhibits healing, of yourself and others. More suicides take place this time around of year aswell, so the quality of your types of reaching out to others should upsurge in like, and supportive listening (frequently more precious than talking).
I`ll answer regarding early childhood (age 6-7) repeat rape by a grown-up beyond the family, simply because incest and recovery from rape as a grown-up are outside of my realm of knowledge.
The below applies to any kind of abuse, though, including abandonment. There are so many who`ve given up hope, plus they shouldn`t. Move away from the people who drain your hope - rage, rage against the dying of the light and aIl - make the choice to not quit, and to move forward ever-trying to be more.
First, to qualify heal and healthy:
1. Able to trust others and open up.
2. Able to have fun, relax, be goofy.
3. Not moving the routine of abuse forwards, either through (in any way) abusing others yourself or enduring abuse.
4. Able to create boundaries, to respect your preferences for space, time, whatever.
5. Able to respect others` boundaries, to respect their needs for space, period, whatever.
6. Able to be a fulfilled, and fulfilling, open, creative, constant and loving sexual and psychological partner.
7. Able to assign responsibility, without crushing guilt on your own part, to those that warrant being held responsible for any parts of not assisting you (during, after, now).
8. Able to acknowledge that you were a kid and thus in no way, shape or type to be blamed for ANY part of what occurred.
9. In a position to forgive yourself for the procedures you discovered to survive the past, yet consider responsibility for your choices within yourself and to any harmed.
10. Able to leave during the past old processing methods and be the person you truly are, truly wish to be.
11. In a position to have the self-confidence to reasonably ask for what you need, give others what they want, and accept neither unkind action/inaction by others nor unkind actions/inaction by you.
The answer is YES, you can heal and become healthy. You will never forget, but the remembering nurtures empathy, an understanding that we should wait to find out more from others before presuming to learn their emotions, reasons for action.
The hardest portion of the Yes answer is that, in beginning at any age to cope with abuse, you truly can neither run emotionally and/or mentally from the m?mories, nor bring them up too often, but walk through the fires of memory - of most things that bear weight on what happened to you. Family dynamics, social dynamics, the perpetrator`s existence history. Allow all feelings to have their convert - don`t drown, run from or hurry them.. it takes time, diligence, letting proceed, all at once.
Faith helps, and searching for seeing the nice in the world.
Also critical is not excusing your adult choices mainly because results of your earlier - after age 25, and definitely 35, we choose how we treat people, in every moment. It IS choice. Abusing (physically, mentally, emotionally), cheating on, neglecting, lying to, and/or aband?ning people is simply not okay.
The road of healing is not at all easy, but step by slow step it does happen. Stuff that healthily boost positive, and decrease adverse, feelings and/or self-picture are important - pampering (therapeutic massage, baths, and great smelling oils, lotions, incense), and eastern healing (acupuncture, yoga, exploring tantric chakras, qi). Reading - The Sensual Therapeutic massage (in starting healings) and/or The Art of Sexual Ecstasy (after much has healed). Counseling can help, maybe with Lifespan Integration or EMDR to heal the often-acc?mpanying Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder -traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/index.shtml. Any work by Pia Mellody, or recommended by The Meadows is usually outstanding, specially the Boundaries As A Spiritual Practice video. The Meadows also has outstanding programs for issues associated with numerous kinds of abuse - including Survivors I and Survivors II, which are intensive curing workshops for rape/molestation survivors.
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